Cara’s Blog

This is a whinge session, so don’t read it if you want to maintain the belief that I am some pontificating guru who has no life outside this site.

The fact is, it feels like I have no life outside this site. My body is just not used to the hours I spent bent over this keyboard. This week my neck went into spasm, a nerve got trapped. I had to get my massage therapist to let it loose again. It’s still not perfect. I wonder what I’m being stiff necked about. Could it be this site?

Now my fingers are starting to seize up. RSI?

And for what? A dream! A dream that I can help make life better for men who would rather stay hidden in the shadows than come out and be found by eager women.

A dream that I could create a place that offered men better advice than what men could offer about women.

A dream that people would actually pay me for my help ( as they do in the real world).

A lot of dreams. A lot of pain. And nothing to show for it.

But I’ll push through the Dip for a little longer. But sooner or later I’m going to have to admit defeat. You can’t help people if they don’t WANT your help. That’s a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way many times before.

If there is anyone out there reading my posts, could you please leave a comment. Just a hey, I’m reading your Blogs. It would help my flagging spirits a great deal.

x cara

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqantZJ6WwM

There’s a very powerful message in the Easter Story, whether you’re a Christian or not. And I don’t mean the most obvious one- ‘Don’t stand out from the crowd or you get nailed to a cross!’

I mean the idea of sacrificing the old to make room for the new. Easter is not just about nailing someone to a cross. It’s about rebirth. About something amazing, world changing, coming out of a death, out of an ending, out of a horrifying experience.

I talk about not needing to have a personality transplant to become good with women. Essentially that’s accurate. But there are parts of your existing personality- behaviors, habitual thinking, that have to go, if you’re going to get really good with women.

All of us have ‘stuff’ from the past cluttering up our lives in the present. This often painful, emotional ‘stuff’ sits there like a stone in our gut, weighing us down.

Why don’t you just get rid of it, if it’s having such a bad effect on you? Because it’s become part of you. It’s a memory or series of memories that defines who you are. If you let it go, then it’s like losing a little bit of who you are.

But to move on in your life, to be confident and in control in your romantic life, as well as you daily life, you have to let go of those old memories. You have to reduce your baggage. You have to put to rest those little ‘bits’ you see as part of you.

The scientists tell us that when a traumatic event happens we haven’t got time to process it properly. Like an overstretched secretary, we just throw files in anywhere, just so we can cope with the moment. It’s these files that have been thrown in anywhere that cause us grief. Massive grief. They create stress and anxiety, they lower our immune system, they affect the way we relate to the world.

For computer types, you might understand the importance of spending time sorting through these past events, getting them filed away properly, in this way: When you defragment your files, a slow and tedious process, you have more useable space on your hard drive, so your system runs more effectively. Your computer isn’t wasting valuable time trying to find misplaced files.

Another interesting thing happens when you start defragging your human computer. By looking at painful experiences, you get to see them from a distance, get perspective. When you file them where they belong, you subtly change the memories. You subtly change the events.

This phenomenon first came to light when the police were interviewing witnesses of crimes. They found that if they slid in what they expected to hear, the witness picked up the cues and adjusted their memory of the event accordingly.

So, if the policeman was sure it was a male perp and said ‘What was he wearing?’, the perp’s memory shifted slight. If they weren’t sure if it was a man or woman, they start to ‘remember’ it was a man. They weren’t faking it, or lying to please the police. They really started to superimpose these new bits of information onto the old. Until the whole witnessed event could become something completely different.

You can use this memory shuffle to your advantage. Instead of turning away from painful past events- trying to forget they ever happened, try pulling them out, brushing them off and seeing just how accurate your thinking was back then.

We don’t think straight when crisis hits. So getting your thoughts straight about the trauma after the event is crucial.

And when you do this, you let go of the rock in your gut. It dissolves. And you feel lighter and newer, ‘reborn’ in a small but crucial way. Ready to start life afresh! See the world with new eyes. A really important message, courtesy of Easter.

As you may have gathered from my products and my writing, I’m rather BIG on anything to do with self-development. It’s what has got me where I am today, and it is what will move me forward in my life tomorrow.

The big difference between me and a lot of the other people who are helping guys get dates is that I use a little help from Presence. It’s crazy to try to do anything in your life the hard way. It is so much easier to do it by tapping into your very own Inner Turbo-Charged energy source.

Once you learn Presence you can take any of the other strategies and processes out there and make them work! Until you tap into Presence your chances of success, especially as a shy guy, are greatly reduced. Why?

Because of your primitive brains programing. It’s entrenched and tricky. Trying to untangle the programming and correct the glitches is a painstaking and tedious process. It’s a bit like a newbie trying to find a virus on a computer. But with Presence it’s like hiring the best computer mind in the country and letting them loose to track the virus and destroy it.

And finding Presence is a heck of a lot easier than finding a top gun computer expert who doesn’t charge the earth

All my products are designed to help you access Presence and then use it to get what you want in life. For most of you it’s the woman of your dreams.

I’ve also found this great website that describes itself as ” the most complete guide to information about Self -Improvement, Personal Growth and Self Help on the Internet. It is designed to be an organized directory, with articles and references to thousands of other Web Sites on the World Wide Web.”

If you want to know more about what I’m talking about you’ll find it on this site Self Improvement from SelfGrowth.com 

My stuff is tailored to one aspect of your life. But you have so many other parts of yourself and your life. Why not explore Self-Growth once you’ve got your feet wet using my stuff.

See me and my products as your starting point to a whole new you! And follow the yellow brick road that SelfGrowth offers!

x Cara

I was watching a TV show today where a guy approached a pretty woman at the bar and tried to chat her up. He wasn’t much to look at but he had plenty of confidence.

The girl treated him like he was something she’d stepped in. And it reminded me of times I’d seen something similar happen in pubs and clubs.

One time it was a new friend of mine who did it. She was gorgeous, and the guys were buzzing like flies. One rather cocky young guy was persistant, and she seemed to be interested. Then she turned on him and made some scaithing comment that sent him away, dazed, with his tail between his legs.

I was horrified and asked her what she’d done that for. She said, ‘You can’t let guys stake their territory or you’ll be stuck with them all night.’

‘OK, so you didn’t like him. Why did you have to be so nasty about it?’ I asked, as confused as the guy who had just left.

‘Because it’s quick and they get the message.’

Needless to say, I stopped the friendship. I don’t have time for people who are thoughtlessly cruel. Not only do they hurt people, but women who do this give the rest of us a bad name and make it even harder for guys to come up and talk to us.

So please, don’t give up on women just because you may have experienced one or more of these nasty knock-backs. There are jerks on both sides of the sexual divide.

Maybe you should take a leaf from our book. We make guys prove to us they aren’t jerks before we take them seriously. And so, reserve judgement until the woman shows you she’s a nice person. If she shows you she’s a jerk by using a nasty knock-back, to you or someone else, see her for what she is and walk away. Don’t take it personally.

And if you are getting a lot of these kind of knock-backs maybe you need to reconsider the type of woman you are attracted to, or the way you approach them. Maybe you’re trying to hard, or you’re role modelling jerks. Girls consider themselves well within their rights to act like a jerk if I guy is behaving like a jerk.

If I asked you to pick out the shy guy or girl in the room, you’d probably point to the quiet one in the corner looking uncomfortable. And the odds are you’d be right. But there’s probably an even shyer person at the centre of that lively bunch at the bar. And that person may be telling the jokes or stories, to entertain his friends.

Shy people who have an extrovert personality often have to develop ways to get what they want. Ways to cope with their vulnerability and fear so they can be with people.

For those who think that an extrovert is an out-going person and an introvert is a quiet person, let me give you a more accurate definition. An extrovert is a person who gets energy from being with people. An introvert gets his energy from being alone. That often means the extrovert IS out-going. He has to be out there with people, interacting with them, to charge his batteries.

The introvert, on the other hand, is quite happy to sit on the side-lines, saying little, because he’ll get his batteries charged later, when he’s at home watching TV or playing Xbox, on his own. If he’s shy, then he doesn’t have to stress himself out by getting out there and risking rejection. He may not feel good about himself for being shy, but he does OK.

On the other hand, the extrovert has to be out there with people or he feels drained and unhappy. Too much time on his own and this guy becomes stressed to the eyeballs. It’s not that he feels better about himself when he’s centre of the crowd, it’s that that’s the only place he can lift his spirits.

But there’s a Catch 22 in this for the extrovert. To be centre of attention means you risk drawing negative reactions from people. And the shy person has a very thin skin. It hurts the shy guy a lot more to suffer any sort of rejection than it does a non-shy person. Even a minor slight like someone turning away to talk to someone else, is more painful than the situation warrants.

Scientists have found that shy people have a very over-active part of the brain: the part that controls our adrenalin. So when a shy person is in a new situation they over-react to that situation. It feels more dangerous than it probably is. Shy people are also more sensitive in other areas of their life too. And they are usually more intelligent and focused than their counterparts. (There are some very big pluses in being naturally shy.)

I met a guy who was a professional comedian not so long ago. He was an absolute crack-up. People loved him. He found it easy to get women into bed. He seemed to have the perfect life. To everyone else.

In private, he confided to me that he wanted to get into a committed relationship. He was tired of the ‘one night stand’ life-style. He was lonely.
But women didn’t want more than sex from him, he said. None of them took him seriously. He ‘used to be’ shy he told me, but then he’d taken up comedy, and had learned to be a showman. He’d overcome his shyness.

But the sad fact was that he hadn’t. He was a shy extrovert who had created a great mask behind which he could hide very successfully. But his natural shyness meant that he couldn’t come out from behind the mask, especially in vulnerable situations like romance, where rejection is even more dangerous.

So he stayed behind his clown’s mask, lonely but safe. Just like his introvert brother sitting in the corner. Coping with life but not fully living it.

There are ways to come to terms with shyness. There are ways to find love and happiness. It isn’t a lost cause. Understanding what you are doing, on an unconscious level is the first step. Awareness is always the first step to a better life. Are you willing to take that first step?